Day 360: Flirting: Taking Responsibility for the Past

flirtingThis is a cool video, I am not much of a flirt, never have been but this interview assisted me greatly to see/understand a past relationship, connected some dots: from Eqafe, Flirting – Relationship Success Support

When my first marriage was in trouble, a musician I had met gave me flirting signs. I  went into my mind of fantasy instead of communicating clearly with this man to determine/understand ‘where he was coming from’ with this flirting and simply asking ‘well, I’m married but in an unhappy marriage, what is your intention?’ From the above mentioned audio , I now understand he activated an energetic response in me, I had for years built up a fantasy of a man playing guitar sitting around a campfire, romanticized this idea like , ‘this is the man I would want to be with, a sensitive, passionate man’. I connected a musician to someone who is sensitive and I connected and imagined an energy of a ‘happy relationship’ and attached value to it.

I did not speak up, but made assumptions and built up an IDEA of:  who he was, that he felt the same as I , that he would not just use me but that he would love, respect me as I would him and if we were to be intimate that would mean he wanted to be with me forever.

Oh boy, now that I look at it in print–that is alot of assumption/belief/perception going on!!  Instead of taking it slow, I followed my mind of want/desire and jumped right in.  I followed/bLIEved a romantic idea of  ‘falling in love in a moment’ when he played piano, I  made an instant assessment based on a romantic fantasy/idea!  I was not relaxed, genuine, taking it slow and being myself–instead I acted solely on feelings-as in want/desire.  I saw him as an idea of saving me from my unhappy marriage,  I made him fit an idea in my mind instead of communicating, taking my time to really get to know this person for real and him me.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an alternate reality of a ‘happy’ relationship, within an imagination of a musician, who will be my ‘knight in shining armor’ and take me away from all that is negative in my life-save me, instead of giving this to myself as creating a life for myself that is safe, fulfilling, enjoyable.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an energetic reaction of excitement, happiness, romance to this idea of a man who is a musician ‘taking me away’ and loving me forever and that this would magically fulfill me/solve all my problems and make me happy.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to connect music/musician/musical instruments-guitar and piano, specifically a picture & an imagination of a man playing a guitar around a campfire, to an idea of love/romance/sex/happiness.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to put my faith/trust in an idea of romance/being saved instead of what is here as reality, my life/myself, to practically look/assess my own abilities/skills to see how to improve my life financially, so I can enjoy/ contribute/create independently and inter-dependently and not dependently.

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