Day 365: Blaming my Partner for my own Reactions – Money Issues

angry wifeHere I am sharing self-forgiveness that I have started in my DIP course (Desteni I Process Pro) around the relationship with my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to A’s reaction of frustration, in relation to using the credit card, where I fall into beliefs, perceptions and assumptions that he is criticizing me in someway and I need to defend myself, like I need to convince myself I am innocent of whatever it is he is accusing me of.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to project this idea onto A, that I am the cause of his voice sounding stressed/frustrated/angy, and so I am guilty of doing something ‘bad’ ‘wrong’.

In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the mind‘s polarity/idea of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ instead of looking at A’s reaction in reality/common sense in the moment, like ‘ok A is reacting, I remind myself to not take this on and how can I be supportive in this moment /clarify the situation.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself react with anger, defensiveness and blame in relation to A’s reaction around pre-paying the credit card before I use it, where I am suppressing my own guilt that I have to use his card because I have bad credit & I am then projecting it onto A.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself react with anger and superiority like, ‘how dare he suggest I am ungrateful’ because I am asked to pre-pay the card but I use it easily when I don’t have to pre-pay it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see /realize/understand how I am manipulating myself into a physical reaction of stress/anxiety where my body stiffens and that I am suppressing the truth of me, that I feel guilty/bad that I do not have my own credit card.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to react with guilt, self-judgement, self-blame, fear, & insecurity, where I swing to the polarized reaction of inferiority when I looked at point later and saw that I brought this situation on myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an idea exist within and as me that A will be pleased if I take care of paying myself, without using the credit card, projecting this idea onto A.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, blame, self-doubt, frustration, nervousness, and tension to A saying we could have received alot of airmiles if I had used the card.

In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into automation/quantum reactions of energy, where I believe the thought/reaction-which is based on the past– to be real, instead of remaining stable here and remembering my body and breath.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a physical reaction of tensing my shoulder muscles & my jaw, and holding my breath when I feel threatened or something surprises me/pops out of nowhere.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to conjure up the emotions of anger and blame when A came home, as I was communicating to him my confusion about the text he sent me.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame toward A. that I paid cash for my purchase instead of receiving airmiles points by using the card because he did not explain his reasoning to me clearly.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to use blame as an excuse for my own reactions of anger and then guilt, when I realize it is my responsibility, in each moment, to direct my inner and outer world.

To continue

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