DAY 366: BLAMING MY PARTNER FOR MY OWN REACTIONS: part 2 – Insecurity

marriage fightsHere I am sharing the self-forgiveness that I am walking in my DIP course (Desteni I Process Pro) in relation to my how I react to my partner.

Continuing

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/believe/perceive that A is judging me, jumping to the worst conclusion, by picking up the plant to check if it needs watering.

In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the manifestation of inferiority, where I am victimizing myself by falling into my mind of past programming, where I think A thinks I am stupid and not doing the job properly. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself that I can do a job properly and if I have not done it to perfection I can simply rectify the situation in the physical, without having thoughts about another person or judging myself about it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with insecurity, where I think I can somehow protect myself by following my suspicions, inside of my own mind, instead of dealing with reality, what is here before me.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to then jump to the polarity of reacting with anger, blame and superiority, where I am justifying in my own mind my reaction by focusing on A, instead of considering the plant and what needs to be done.
In that I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the truth of me, that I do feel inadequate/inferior and have self-doubt when A checks the plants.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my reactions have an effect-a consequence-on my physical body & I am in fact manipulating myself into a reaction of nervousness and tension causing a stiffening and aching of the muscles in my upper back/neck/face and clenching in my solar plexes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conjure up emotion by re-playing the memory inside my mind, where I am reacting with anger and blame toward A in relation to him checking the plant. In that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am victimizing myself by going into superiority, taking his action personally and thinking he is wrong and thus I am right to judge him for it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ego/superiority, where I react with anger and blame toward A, instead of looking at and discussing the point of taking care of the plants, within physical practicality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto A my own self-doubt that I am taking care of the plant properly, where I react within a false sense of superiority, defensiveness and hatred toward A, based on my own suppressed self-belief that I am stupid and I cannot perform/complete tasks/responsibilities within a perfection.
With this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it is my own self-doubt that causes me to rush within/throughout my day and thus not perform tasks to their utmost completion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become superiority, where I react with judgement and hatred toward A, projecting onto him my own feelings of being ‘better than’ instead of simply looking at the point and seeing that the plant needed to watered twice that day because of the weather being extremely hot and dry.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how I am manipulating myself by going into physical changes of tension and stress which lead to/cause anxiety, sweating, difficulty falling asleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in a superiority, where I victimize myself by blaming A & becoming angry at A for my own reactions in relation to watering the plant, where I go into extreme thinking instead of trusting my body andbreath in the moment by allowing myself to calm down and not exaggerate the situation.

In that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it is not about needing another but that I enjoy sharing my life with A and when I simply slow down, do not rush my thoughts/thought patterns, I can stop myselffrom thinking and speaking words that can harm another/myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my imagination, where I am indirectly blaming A and victimizing myself by simulating pictures, where I live alone in an apartment, suppressing the truth of me that I fear this could happen, meaningthat A would leave me because I am incompetent and stupid.

To continue

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