Here I am sharing the self-forgiveness that I am walking in my DIP course (Desteni I Process Pro) in relation to my how I react to my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself within a perception, where I am reacting with blame, overwhemingness and helplessness toward A. in relation to money/inheritance and all the information with various options around this topic.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become superiority, where I am connecting emotional reactions of anger, blame, giving up and self-sabotage & I am participating in the polarity playout in which I see/experience myself as ‘right’/righteous and him as ‘wrong’/evil.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am holding onto a memory, relating this here moment to the past when my first marriage split and I was left poor and had two young children. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react, where I am assuming the worst, within suspicions, anger, blame, judgement, superiority & self-sabotage by accusing A instead of speaking from the starting point of stability and equality.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand how my extreme reactions only cause harm to me, my body and to A, as it results in the opposite of what I say I want; a truly loving , respectful , trustworthy family unit-with our three children and within our partnership.
In this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am to some degree setting myself up for failure, within a utopian idea of the perfect family, blended or not, & A may be lying but judging him in this moment is not supportive to me/him/the situation, rather to communicate and uncover/understand where he is/was coming from & why he said what he said, or just be understanding that he does not want to admit it because he may be embarrassed or ashamed.
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