Here I am sharing the self-forgiveness that I am walking in my DIP course (Desteni I Process Pro) in relation to my how I react to my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in memories/manipulate myself by bringing up the memory of A saying, ‘why do you want my parents money so bad?’ where I am connecting the emotional responses of judgement, anger, hate, greed and fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize and manipulate myself by falling into fantasies/imaginations of leaving A and having my own apartment, where I am experiencing myself as superior to A and connect an emotional response of giving up, anger, when the truth of me is that I am suppressing my own fear, anxiety and nervousness of the poverty, isolation and active alcoholism I experienced in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then fall into the bullying character, where I judge myself as wrong/guilty for having such thoughts and for having judged A so harshly and and then I participate in justifications for having done so, creating anidea about A, where I calm down and look at reality and tell myself he is not a bad guy after all and I do not want financial insecurity again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a point of suspicion as assumption, based on past memories and based on a projection and opinion that A is not being completely honest with me and in some future moment he will go back on hisword, that we are a family one and equal, and where I am experiencing myself as superior within anger,-judging A as untrustworthy, lacking integrity- creating a nervousness, tension and anxiety within my physical body.
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