Day 204: Living Patterns: Impatience-Morning

ego1I have been listening to the Quantum Mind Series on Eqafe.  In this particular interview, Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 46, ‘What are Living Patterns and how to De-pattern Mind Presence to Discover your True Beingness within it’ is discussed.

As I listened, I could definitely relate to what was unfolding, I experience certain and specific patterns, of thought/feelings/emotions at certain times of the day, in the morning, afternoon and the early evening.  Although I was becoming more aware of these patterns, the interview really hit home how I have allowed myself to be directed and controlled by these energy patterns.  I say ‘energy’ patterns because, for me, each has a energy ‘sigNature‘ or intensity to them, which is accompanied by an all too familiar backchat/inner conversation, emotion, and changes in my physical body.

So….who’s in charge here?  The mind, as consciousness systems is in charge!! I am but following, acting as an energy slave, allowing and accepting my mind to, each day, continuously timeloop- using pictures/memories/experiences from the past to tell me who I am/how to feel and how to act, in patterns according to the time of day.  So, as a result, I do not move with the physical and get things done, I do not move forward and try new things in life, I limit myself because of these accepted patterns defining who I am and what I am capable of.

This is no longer acceptable to me. I do not want to be breathing my last breath and regret what I did not do /who I did not live as in thought/word/deed, wondering ‘where did the time go, why did I not contribute to my world and myself, why did I never accomplish much?’

These living patterns, for the most part, have to do with  participating in the emotions of fear/worry/impatience  (I will refer to as irritating impatience)  with the thought, ‘there is not enough time to get all of this done/this is too much information/too big a goal for me to take on’ with regards to looking at my daily list of chores/responsibilities or if I am considering a new project/goal.  Then I fall into the trap of depleting my energy and so I feel tired and use that feeling as an excuse to have a nap/pass the day so by the time I get up I can justify, ‘well, there just isn’t enough time to do that today, I’ll do it tomorrow’.

Note:  sounds eerily similar to , ‘I’ll quit tomorrow’ when the pattern was drinking.  Of course one can replace ‘drinking‘ with any substance/behavioral addiction.  

And/OR I go into the polarity of excitement about something new I learned/an idea I have for a future project/the prospect of money coming/how beautiful the day is.  In these instances, I engage in an energy reaction of feeling super motivated (I will refer to as excitatory impatience) and see images in my mind as if it is already done.  So then I don’t actually take the steps/the first step and DO IT in physical reality.

Either way, I end up not accomplishing goals/changing my life and living.

The goal here is to re-program the mind, to release the living patterns of the past and, in a quantum moment, make the decision to change and really apply it/be it /live it!

In the next few blogs posts I will examine these patterns, through incorporating what I have learned from the Reptilian Series on Impatience  (part 225-228) and the above mentioned Quantum Mind interview, combining the two because I can see much of my patterns have to do with impatience. Firstly, in a reaction of irritating impatience (giving-up, wanting to do too little) and then in a reaction of excitatory impatience (feeling of motivation-wanting to do too much), as I definitely experience both, sometimes separately and sometimes one right after the other.

MORNING PATTERNS

main-qimg-c957cae19cbd84c83a20fd965e1dc14eLooking at this morning, which is a fairly typical morning for me, I can see I felt quite stable with breath at the start. I was moving easily, until my mind started going through the list, the dreaded list lol, of daily responsibilities.  As I continued to participate in my mind with pictures and memories, I felt my body go into anxiety/a hyper buzzing inside and then I had the thought, ‘It’s just all too much, I don’t want to do all this now, maybe I’ll do it later/tomorrow’ Then I had the thought ‘sleep/nap’, I quickly go through my day (as in planning it) and see what I can postpone/put off, I think of having a cigarette, I start to get tired/feel depleted, I allow myself to cut down my ‘to do’ list in my mind, I think ‘I’ll just do this easy chore and then enjoy walking to the bank/store and do my writing later’. I feel ‘better’ as in less stress and justify to myself the little things need to get done anyway and it doesn’t matter in what order I do things.

THE RESULT:  I always get the easy/little chores done but not the TASKS that will change my life or anyone else, meaning moving me so as to  grow/expand/be an unlimited being/change/contribute something to others and  my world of value.  Living within and as these mind patterns keeps me stuck, going round and round listening to my mind tell me ‘I can’t, it’s too hard, I’m not as capable as others, I have nothing to contribute…’ an inner voice constantly self-sabotaging me.

I can see that there is a direct correlation between this pattern of impatience and the addiction to excitement/the roller-coaster ride that is  alcoholism (any substance abuse/addictive behavior really).  We have become energy slaves, feeding into the highs and lows, cycling without being aware of what we are participating in.

You know…there cannot be the high if there is not the low, therefore it is stability, moving throughout ones day within a confident hereness/awareness that is required to overcome living patterns of impatience.  We do not require differing energy states throughout the day, in fact, I have found when I remain here with breath (meaning, no mind interference just moving through tasks physically) , I do not feel tired until 11 or 12 at night, at which time it is appropriate to rest the body/sleep for 4-6 hours.  I have proven to myself that I can overcome/change my nature, wanting to either run/do too much (move with excitatory impatience = a high energy feeling) or wanting to do nothing (move with irritating impatience = low energy feeling like sleeping).

So why do I just not live my true nature now?  Well, I have programmed myself, over many years, so I must physically work this out of my body, through the process of writing, self-forgiveness and applying a daily self-corrective application  in order for the change to be real/substantiated/effecting lasting change.

To continue

An Economist’s Journey To Life:
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